Most humans are in many ways emotionally still children

This means that they are stuck in emotional patterns that are immature/undeveloped

This is most commonly expressed in humans’ closest relationships


Relationships that are unhappy/stressful, stuck, dishonest, and painful – have childish emotional roots:

1.    Childish humans are driven by fear

2.    Childish humans’ primary concerns in relationship are to receive love, to be understood, and to be agreed with

3.    Childish humans are focused using communication as a form of manipulation – getting what “I want”

4.    Childish humans feel at risk, insecure, afraid, and feel the need for others to provide safety (like a child)

5.    Childish humans wants other people to care for their emotions

6.    Childish humans believe other people can and should make them feel good/better


Relationships that are happy/peaceful, transformative, truthful, and enlivening – have mature emotional roots:

1.    Mature humans are driven by love

2.    Mature humans’ primary concerns in relationship are to love and to understand

3.    Mature humans are focused on communication as a way of understanding and a form of connecting

4.    Mature humans are self-realized, secure, and fully confident in being there for themselves

5.    Mature humans want to care for their own emotions

6.    Mature humans know that no one can make them feel good or bad


Rules for successful communication and relationships:

1.    Be more concerned with understanding than being understood

2.    Be more concerned with acknowledging than being acknowledged

3.    Be more concerned with being loving than being loved

4.    Be more concerned with the truth, than getting what “I want”



1.    Understanding doesn’t mean you agree with the other, it means you understand – you can always understand more

2.    To acknowledge means that the other person really knows that you understand – so if the other person doesn’t know or feel that you understand, your acknowledgement is not complete – try again

 © 2014 Xoli Redmond