C A R E
Meeting difficult thoughts & emotions
Conscious Accept Remain Embrace
CARE à Conscious Accept Remain Embrace à (all aspects of CARE are: Always Already)
· Rest as consciousness now – be still and know – you are always already aware – allow all within awareness
· The simplest instruction which will resolve all struggle is, be only aware – only does not mean exclusively
· Name the emotion / mind-state (some examples below):
o This is fear, this is anxiety, this is uncertainty, this is sadness, this is doubt, this is anger, this is obsession, this is boredom, this is restlessness, this is stress, this is confusion, this is not knowing, this is dis-ease, this is the mind-state: inadequate, this is the mind-state: unworthy, this is the mind-state: rejected
o Don’t turn it into an “I” experience, like “I am angry” of “I am not good enough”– you are conscious of anger – anger is a phenomena within your consciousness – don’t become the anger – notice: “this is anger” – you are conscious of the mind-state “confusion,” notice: “this is the mind-state: confusion”
o An alternative option is to notice what is happening to the character from the vantage of consciousness:
- She is experiencing anger, she is feeling inadequate, he is experiencing sadness, he is confused.
Accept / Allow
Trying to make yourself accept is not acceptance – to find acceptance, you must explore
· Ask yourself :
o What would it be like to accept this emotion/experience exactly as it is?
o What happens if I allow things to be just as they are?
o What would it be like to say YES to this emotion/experience?
- “Yes, anger is here”
- “Yes, I feel sadness”
· When you argue with reality you lose – 100% of the time
o If you are already angry, getting angry at being angry is just adding more anger – being sad about being sad is adding more sadness
o A preference arises from love – a demand arises from fear. When we demand that any aspect of reality (a situation, another person, an emotion, etc.) should be different than it is, the only guarantee is that we will suffer. This stance of making demands on reality is an addictive, endless cycle of suffering.
Remain (& Refrain)
· Remain as consciousness - (if you notice you’ve become unconscious, realize you are conscious now!)
· Remain = be still, rest, stop – not hold, not tense, not tight
· Remain connected to the feel of the emotion – the raw physical felt energetic experience – with mind-states if there is not a clear emotion, often the felt emotion is a sort of dis-ease – feel this dis-ease
o Refrain from altering, avoiding, or getting rid of the emotion
- Refrain from repressing the emotion (we repress so we don’t feel)
· No self talk to soothe, change, or push away the emotion
· No intellectualizing the emotion – don’t try to explain it
· No distracting (note, if you find you are totally overwhelmed, consciously choosing to distract is a wise choice)
- Refrain from expressing the emotion (we express so we don’t feel)
· Don’t direct the emotion at or onto another person:
o Anger – Don’t tell someone how they upset you in order to manipulate their thoughts, feelings, and/or behaviors
o Anxiety – Don’t tell someone how you are anxious in hopes that they will help solve your dilemma
o Sadness – Don’t tell someone you are sad so they will comfort you
· Don’t internally play-out the emotional thought content:
o Anger – Don’t imagine telling someone how they upset you, or misbehaved
o Anxiety – Don’t imagine bad outcomes or try to solve “the problem”
o Sadness – Don’t ruminate and tell sad stories
· CARE for yourself by being with yourself (the most caring act anyone can bestow on another is to be there – so you be there for you)
· Embrace this feeling that has been habitually avoided - Hold it as you would hold a your dearest child
· Visualize drawing the emotion closer and closer until there is no distance - into your love/care
· Fully reconnect with the emotion/mind-state – once we are not lost in the emotion/mind-state, we can stop holding ourselves as separate, and fully connect. We realize love cares – this love/consciousness is the agent of change.
© 2011-2014 Xoli Redmond